tibe2 terpk nak tulis psl benda ni... something to ponder...hhmmmmmmmmm...
before i proceed with this so-called-sensitive- yet-a-common issue, i would like to highlight that im NOT against poligamy.. coz by doing dat, akidah kiter dah boleh "lari". ok.
i dun see & get it why our people are becoming very much westernized nowadays... kawin je cerai..kawin je cerai.. got married at a young age is practically good enuff in Islam (dpt la menjauhkn dosa berkepit dgn yg bkn muhrim), but in the end, bergadoh bagai nak rak dgn alasan konon dah tak serasi, mertua msk campur, bla bla bla.. then cerai with a common "tagline" - IRRECONCILEABLE DIFFERENCES.
so due to this, a lot of our people (as in MUSLIM) opt to living together as a non-married couple a.k.a bersekedudukan... senang. tak kawin. tak habis duit nak buat kenduri/hantaran/mas kahwin. no strong/concrete bond & commitment. klw break up tak payah naik turun mahkamah and family pun tak tanggung malu. huh! sounds easy kan.. yup, it is easy...as easy as it sounds.. but would it be easy for the person to answer for wut he/she did in front of Allah in the hereafter?????
Ok. Ini citer kalau dia tak nak kawin.
Yg agak parah jugak when the guy starts to get bored & fed up with the wife (dgn mcm2 alasan lah), pastu nk angkat kaki just like that. Aku PELIK la manusia2 mcm ni, serious pelik..
hello!!! Mase bercinta sanggup sehidup semati. Willing to accept each others’ weaknesses. Mase wedding vow, for better and for the worse, till death do us part, bla bla bla bla.. tapi lps kawin, bile tiba2 isteri ade penyakit, dapat anak lambat sikit, service not to what he expected, tup tap tup tap nak kawin dengan girlfren baru. I even have a fren which has the same case like this (byk lagi yg lain sbnrnyer..but her story is the closest one la). Got married, not so long after that she fell sick, so nak tak nak she had to depend on steroids which her doc advised not a suitable time to conceive. The hubby got fed-up with her ill condition (br brp bulan jer after kawin…), he found himself a betina lain, pegi keja balik keje, tmn shopping, kluar duit, bwk balik rumah with the cheapskate betina. Yg bini ni dok muntah2 kat umah, kluar masuk hospital, gi & balik ofis naik bas sendiri, & other things yg aku pun tak sampai hati nak citer la.
The best part was, the husband jatuhkan talak when she was on the hospital bed, STILL WARDED!!!! Taraaa! Terror tak mamat tu..woohooo! kire macho la bley buat perempuan mcm tuh! Dahsyat la lu bro!
Ok. Ni cerita kalau mangkuk tu masih ade air muka nak aniaya anak orang. Case dah fed up tgk muke isteri sendiri.
Yg ini which tak kurang hebat nyer jugak. Dah ada bini yg selama ni hidup susah senang sama2, mampu bagi zuriat, in fact same2 cari rezeki just to share the hubby’s financial burden. Again please, i did not mean to generalize every situation but this is what most men do (tak kire di bandar atau di kampung).
Dah kawin berbelas/berpuluh thn ni, tibe2 berkenan dgn secretary sendiri la, staff sendiri la, anak dara jiran kat kampong lar, anak tauke jual ayam kat pasar yg dia slalu pegi la, & ntah mcm2 lagi…tapi mesti ada ciri2 MUDA – BERGETAH – SEXY/LAWA. Otak cam lembu (bimbo) pun x de hal. Wahai lelaki, nabi kahwin lebih dari satu semata-mata untuk menyelamatkan balu yg suaminya syahid di medan perang, wanita yg sudah berumur, balu tawanan perang yg berketurunan yahudi untuk bebaskan dia, hamba perempuan yg mempunyai khitabah (hutang) yg tak mampu dijelaskan juga untuk dibebaskan, sahabat2 yg minta utk bermenantukan Rasulullah. Bukan semata-mata untuk makanan nafsu baginda. (kalau tak tau ni semua, gi google la! baca buku ke! dgr ceramah ke!)
Hehe..mase ni dan-dan la kluar statement nk ikut sunnah nabi, “mampu” (ker????), boleh bersikap adil, dah jodoh & etc.
Jap2…aku jawab satu2 eh…
1) hhmm…sunnah nabi eh? Yg nabi buat solat tahajjud every nite smpai bengkak2 kaki tu ko ikut x? nabi berjihad fisabilillah ko join ke? nabi bersedekah kesemua hartanya utk fakir miskin, ko buat ke? nabi masih boleh bersabar w/pun sampai tahap kaum2 jahiliyah lempar najis pada dia, ko boleh ikut ke? semut api geget pun dah menyumpah.. kalau kesemua ni tak boleh buat, apsal part nafsu nak ikut sangat?? Ckp je la dah miang, tak payah bg alasan hypocrite - ikut sunnah nabi..
2) mampu? Seriously mampu? How can u be so sure that u are able to provide EVERYTHING to accommodate the needs of your wives? Tu belum masuk anak-anak lagi. & jgn lupe keluarga mertuaS… ok, in terms of nafsu, fine, Viagra bersepah. Financially? Kalau poket besar, k fine. Boleh consider lg. hhmm.. wut about Spiritually? Educationally? Loves?
3) I really like this one & would love to hear from the people who actually practicing this..huhu. ADIL. Panjang kalau nk hujah psl adil ni alone. Lets start with, what is the definition of being adil? Adil ni byk cabang beb! As far as human being is concern, we are not maksum, unless we are prophet. How adil can u be to your wives? How long can u be adil yg hakiki to your wives? Im sure kalau siapa2 yg ade anak lebih dari satu, mesti ade salah seorang yang akan lebih disayangi compared to the rest. Paling pun yang paling dirapati. Maybe parents tu sendiri tak perasan, so dia rase la dia dah cukup adil pada anak2 dia, tapi orang lain boleh judge since the differences can be observed. Don’t u think this situation same goes to having more-than-1-wife situation??... And we know that being a fair leader is indeed required by Islam since it’s the back bone of a strong & healthy community which due to that, it will be one of the first questions to be asked by God.
4) “dah jodoh, nak buat mcm mane…”. Another common phrase. Kalau dah berpegang dengan kata-kata mcm ni, ape kate ko duduk je kat rumah, tak payah buat ape2. tak perlu susahkan diri pegi kerja, tak payah cari duit, tak payah cari makanan, kalau sakit, tak payah sibuk2 cari ubat. Duk melongok goyang kaki kat rumah. “Kan rezeki, jodoh, ajal tu semua di tangan Tuhan”!! amacam ok???
I would like to stress that this is only my thought & my perception towards this issue based on the actual cases that the people who are close to me had been experienced + yang memang nampak dpn mata kepala ku sendiri + other sources.. However, polygamy is admittedly considerable since the numbers of women are greater than men. Tapi sebelum buat apa-apa pun keputusan, fikirlah dalam2 dulu. Jgn sampai menganiaya orang lain. Sesungguhnya Allah taala itu Maha Adil. What goes around comes around. Wallahua’lam.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
Pathetic state of affairs...
Posted by hajar kasri at Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Labels: poligamy
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5 comments:
ehem... ehem...
hahahaha.... ehem..ehem..
familiar jer contoh2 dlm tu ek? huhu
Wow! I must say that this would be the best entry ever in lara_amani so far! Sensitive, provoking and hot! Congratulation! :) Well, as I’ve spend some time reading it, here are some of my thoughts – paragraph by paragraph with no pun intended. :)
I’m not against polygamy too! Hehehe!
Single couples in lust.
To me, you see what you want to see and what you allow yourself to see. You attract those scenarios and acknowledge its present and thus influencing your sub-conscious mind to trigger those scenarios more and more. It’s the law of attraction. You attract what you want. So in this case, if you acknowledge that our society is becoming more westernized, maybe it is in your point of view and I respect that. To me, we’re merely social animals in a globalization world where we are doing what we have been doing since the first man walk on earth – evolving. We are changing to become better by adopting and adapting global values that we see fit to blend with our own unique traditional values, religious beliefs and upbringing. I do hope you don’t attract that marriage will end up with divorce coz in case if one day you decide to tie the knot, you’ve already deposit that there are chances of a split up (which is true) and eventually will be stored in your sub-conscious mind as one of the most likely solution when crisis arise. Everyone is different and to me, irreconcilable differences are a lame excuse for a break-up. Well, when you decided to marry someone, you’re accepting a stranger as a part of your life and you’re accepting his or her weakness and strength. Same goes to your partner. To me, the problem is most couple decides to say "I do" for the wrong reasons and expect your partner to complete you. Stop it! You should be complete for yourself and same goes to your partner – he should be complete for himself. What you need to make a relationship works is to add positive values to both parties by communicating openly, willingness to participate & learn and adapting to your partner’s needs & acceptable habits.
People live together for several reasons and the most common reason would be sex & companionship and what you write is referring to the fuck-buddies relationship where no strong and spiritual bond needed. It’s all lust. But some couples who are genuinely in love and stays together are living together not only for sex & companionship but really are trying to adjust & adapt to their partner’s habits and work things out & some really are saving for the big day before they are legally & religiously bind. Well, I’m not in the position to say their practice is either right or wrong coz I don’t judge. Only God judge and if they have to answer, they have to truthfully. Good luck to them! He has spelled out His rules so go figure! :) God would have mercy on them as He’s the All Mighty – I don’t think God is unreasonable.
The man who becomes an idiot.
Well, we are unique & it doesn’t surprises me if someone can come up with mind-boggling reasons to split up. We’re a totally funny & creative! Hahaha! Anyway, if a man or a woman gets fed up with their relationship and bail out of it without work things out first, in my world, we call them assholes! :)
Hmmm… Where do you find these people? I admit I’ve been in and out of relationships but I have never accepted their weaknesses. I on the other hand, adapt to their weaknesses only if I know that we have talked and try to fix it and I’ve always stressed to my partners to do the same thing too. Funnily, most people in love would say that they don’t mind but the truth is, no one really wanted to communicate and enhance their relationship thru the simplest tool – by participating in a quality talk! *sigh* Referring to your friend’s situation, I pity her and wishes her all the best! Her ex hubby was clearly lost in lust and officially a jerk. Anyway, tell her to attract positive vibes and it will come, endlessly. You too! Don’t remind yourself of negative stuff! It’s tiring! :)
This confirmed my theory that your friend’s ex-husband is a JERK but look at the bright side – God is saving her from the jerk and the jerk is paired with a BITCH! Don’t worry… God work things in special ways. He’s really fair, ain’t He? :D
Man (Not-Generally-Intended) according to Hajar. :)
If I were married to someone, I will love her whole-heartedly coz I know she will be the only person in the world who would understand me inside out and would be among the few who would gladly ride on my life’s roller coaster but I don’t think it’s wrong to enjoy the view of hot, gorgeous, sexy chicks. I would take good care of my appearance for myself and my wife and I would tell my wife straight to her face if I saw any girls that caught my attention. I would! And I know my list gonna be a long one but I’ll make sure she can rest assured that my love and lust is only for her. Those hot chicks sightings are just a normal innocent male reaction for a guy who still can have an erection. :p
Well, I’m not denying that I am this type of guy. I am! I am! I am! I’m a guy who loves young, pretty, sexy lady. Which straight guys don’t? :p But bimbos are only for flings! I don’t think I want to marry a bimbo. Sex marathon - yes! In case I do marry more than one, I don’t do it because of Sunnah Nabi. I’m marrying the other woman because I am falling for her, regardless her age, physical status, financial background and not merely lust. I know I’ll do my best to be fair to all of them! Well, only God can judge if I did my best or not so if any of wives think I didn’t, hopefully one day she would ascertain the truth and hopefully God would explain it to her. Well, I believe that God talk to us every time in many different ways and we will notice if we give Him a chance and really, really listen. :)
As I’ve mentioned before, I will never do it because of Sunnah Nabi coz it is a lame excuse and I know there are billions of other Sunnah that I don’t even do or follow! But maybe some do it because they are really following the Sunnah. I don’t know, that’s for you to discover. :D
Based on your numbered answers and questions, these are my replies:
1) Maybe some do it because they’re really following the Sunnah. Just let it go! Why are you so mad? Someone asked you to be his second wife or something? I know some marry more than one because of lust but it’s their choice. Remember, we are given the privilege to choose what we want and we should always choose wisely. If anyone takes advantages on his or her privileges, let them be. Our job is to manage our privileges wisely but if you think that your choice to commented and condemned somebody else’s choice is the right choice, do it! It’s your choice but remember he or she has theirs too! And the first farther chose to eat the forbidden fruit offered by Satan. Was that a right or a wrong choice? :)
2) Some do can afford it all – financially, spiritually, educationally and love! Can’t you just believe that and wish them all the best? :) Let the judging be done by the only One. Hmmm… sorry to ask u this but are you directly affected by a polygamy marriage in your family? Sorry but I’m curious.
3) So what’s the definition of fair? Based on your writing, there are many branches, can you share some? I want to learn coz everything means differently to different people. You speak Indonesian, you know what I mean especially when an Indon person explains the anatomy of the human body to a Malaysian. It’s hilarious! To me, being fair is also a context that has endless view and understanding based on a person’s perspective. We’re human and we can’t be fair but human tend to be fair based on their experience, beliefs, education, surroundings & upbringing. So to me, another person’s fairness is also very complex to define and all we can do is hope that the person tries his level best to be fair. As you say, it’s between him and God. Don’t crack your head! :)
4) Ok! I agree with that phrase and find that the first person who came out with that phrase must be smart and very observant. Well, let say a 40 years old guy who is charming, well-educated, good looking, have a good career, carries excellent sperms count, came from a respectable family, have good manners, threat woman nicely, loyal to only a woman, approaches the woman and her family the right way, loves each other deeply, decided to get married, preparation of the wedding runs extra smooth and only a few minutes from his akad ceremony, found out his bride was caught having sex with another person out of curiosity or was run down by a bus (phew..) – isn’t that fate? He did everything perfectly but what if fate says not yet. It wont happen. Same goes for a bum who spend most of his day on the couch and is glued to the tube and the net and have countless sex partners and with a single hello on Yahoo! Messenger, got to know a hot, rich, orphan, very young & lonely lady who decided to meet him at his place and fell in love to the messy, smelly guy coz she found him different from any other guys she have ever met, proposed to him and decided to get married instantly, drive him down to JAWI office that instant, filled in a few forms which was approved in short notice, and the kadi which has no other event at the moment and was totally free did their akad with a wali hakim coz the lady is an orphan and 50 other witnesses which are all JAWI’s employee who is so free coz there is a power surge at the building. Suddenly the bum who did nothing is now officially married to a hot, rich, orphan, very young & lonely lady (phew..) :)
And dear Ms Hajar, I would like also stress here that this is only my random thoughts on this particular topic & my perceptions towards this issue are based on actual & some fictional cases that the people who are close to me, some strangers that I get to know had experienced + some I witnessed personally + other sources. I have no objection on polygamy but I hope people would commit to a marriage (mono or poly) for the right reasons.
As you said, God is Fair. What goes around, come around.
Hope you’re ready if your future husband decided to marry another woman or who knows – you might fall for a married guy and willingly become his second or third or last wife. Who knows right? But I’m attracting good vibes for you. You’ll have a wonderful life, you will. I believe in that! :)
Footnote:
1. Statistically speaking – In Malaysia, married Muslim couples are still more compared to Muslim couples that are living together. Referring to the number projected by JAKIM in 2006, the percentage is 89% to 11% but rising at a rate of 0.37% half-yearly. That is considered speedy! :)
2. Try reading Conversation With God by Neale Donald Walsch. It’s a good read! :)
Gosh! u are crazy. the length of your answers is like A POST in this blog.
I have to admit I was expecting several kinds of responses after this so-called provocative shout out, but it was a surprising silent from both parties – guys & ladies. until u came in.
Anyhoo, i shud say that this is the most exquisite comment so far in lara_amani! s u can see nobody has the interest to respond for this particular write up except for a "ehem..ehem.." comment (no offence Jaja but at least u had it first. Got what I mean rite?).
fyi, none of my family members have ever been practising poligamy (perhaps not in the future as well, God will) and neither do I would want to fall for a married guy and willingly become his second or third or last wife. my day-to-day do’a to Allah perhaps that He would excuse me from this situation. I am too weak to handle such a complicated marriage.like i wrote, the whole idea of me inditing out this "pathetic state of affairs" post were mere thoughts & views over this matter.
dun tell me most girls that u know have never been asked out by a married man. of course we do! it happens when it happens. I strongly agree with u about making a wise choice….before its too late. Huhu..
after all I have said wut I wanted to say & for all u know, every single response would have my highest respect simply because every issue has its own different perspectives from different viewers.
p/s: when things happened, there always a blessing in disguise, so to speak. relating every situations and providences with God is undeniably admirable..hhhmmm...
hey, cool info from the footnotes..hahaha
woowwhh...i mean like really Wowwhhh!! seriously u really wrote this whole thing babe? syabassss cik hajar!! syaabbaass!! i enjoyed reading this entry.. but sorrylaa aku takde lengthy opinion utk di tulis skang.. lagipun tgh kat ofis nii (*sshhh) hihihik..kang boss aku menjengul je kat sblah ni kang..
but satu je la aku nk ckp, aku pun ada a few frens yg terjebak dgn husbands org ni.. the thing is, kalo bertepuk sblah tgn, takkan berbunyi kan? hmmm susah bab2 hati ni, but as a woman, aku mmg kesian laa dgn isteri2 yg suaminya menggatal sedangkan anak dah 2 3 org..
ohh ok laa..sampai sini jer.. my brain doesn't work well on fridays..huhuh :P
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